The Bachelorette (Episode 15.04)

Season 15, Episode 4
Date of airing: June 3, 2019 (ABC)
Nielsen ratings information: TBD

In which Luke Parker became the villain of the show, and he managed to misplace all the cards that might have given him the prize of becoming the bachelor in the titular show that airs during the winter months on ABC. There is never not a villain in a reality competition show and Mr. Parker definitely put all his feelers out of becoming the deranged and obsessive guy in a woman’s life, because maybe that is how he’s been living his life before he decided to become part of a reality competition soap opera. How dangerous Mr. Parker can be has already been seen in the show, and I already had my share of words brought to the digital paper, and while this episode might not have put an extra stamp on it, it didn’t make Mr. Parker shine in any different light. In fact, he is now the reason this episode did not end with the rose ceremony, and he is the reason most of the cocktail party was about him. But then again, isn’t that what always happens more than four episodes into a reality competition game? You know each other for weeks by that point and you have come to learn whom you love and whom you hate. And Mr. Parker is definitely one you love to hate, although in this case it doesn’t mean anything positive.

And Hannah leads the Celtics single-handedly into the finals.

Three episodes of the season have been spent in Los Angeles in the Bachelor Mansion, which is why I was glad that the show moved to the opposite coast for a little bit of a change in scenery. The cast went to Rhode Island and decided to spend a little of their love over there – ABC spared no expense in getting the cast and crew there, as well as giving the men and their woman the most expensive-looking date possible. So, you want a date hosted by two players of the Boston Celtics? No problem, ABC is here to help. You want your date to end with Jake Owen on stage singing you some songs, while a cheering crowd is all around you, their fingers on the recording button of their cell phones? No problem, ABC has the non-disclosure agreements ready to be signed, which no one is interested in following, because which television network is going to keep track of a few hundred people whose phones were out while Hannah and Tyler were doing it with their tongues on stage? I can only hope that ABC had enough money in their pockets to pay the medical expenses Kevin was racking up after he dislocated his shoulder during a round of rugby, because that’s only fair.

The season turned around the premise and now there are two one-on-one dates, which Hannah had with Jed first and then Tyler later. Both ended well enough for the guys to get their roses, but both dates weren’t particularly interesting. With Jed she only walked around town, before they stepped into the basketball court of the Boston Celtics, while the date with Tyler was first troubled by Hannah’s emotions over trusting or not trusting Mr. Parker and then continued to be boring, as the two went fishing — which is something I don’t have the patience for, even though I have pretty solid patience at times. What I learned from both one-on-one dates is that Hannah sometimes likes it simple and boring, too, and in case you don’t have any money to spend on her while searching for the next best and most expensive restaurant, let it be known that she also likes walking around town and making up false facts.

The show sometimes has a live audience.

Meanwhile, the group date was full of action and violence. In front of a huge crowd (this entire episode was about crowds for some reason) the thirteen men played rugby, and of course there was a slight accident (Kevin’s dislocated shoulder), as well as some sort of incident which would define the remainder of the episode, as well as the beginning of the next episode, most likely. There was a duel between the two Lukes, and because THE BACHELORETTE is partly a soap opera, the next hour had to be all about the Lukes going at it. No one could shut up about it and Hannah was emotionally distressed thanks to it, showcasing that the eponymous character of the show can be a real person, too, and isn’t playing a wannabe character like most of the guys are (and I have a serious problem with seeing anything real and honest about the guys — absolutely no one stands out in that regard). Tyler was making use of Hannah’s emotional state, as he was hoping to take it as an advantage and making Hannah feel as great as possible during their one-on-one date, but that doesn’t mean the conflict between the Lukes was forgotten before, during and after the second one-on-one. In fact, the editors decided to cut the entire episode around it.

The whole cocktail party was edited around the drama between the Lukes. The whole confrontational scene between the Lukes was the center part of the episode, because ABC thought it was the best thing that could have happened to it. And then the episode had to end before the rose ceremony, because the Lukes drama was swallowing up all the screentime. When reality television turns into a frustrating watch, it’s hard to even accept that one is watching reality television.

Looking into the fire instead of dealing with the guys.

Best part of the episode: Peter and Hannah are officially boyfriend and girlfriend now. Oh well, at least some high school spirit is in this show. It almost made me want to go and watch all the high school TV dramas, starting with THE O.C., and then moving on to all the others.
Worst part of the episode: This is where I would have cut the line with Hannah, if I had been part of the group: She said that she was having the strongest feelings for Luke P., not knowing that he has been manipulating the hell out of the other guys when she wasn’t around. Someone who can’t see the trees while standing in the middle of a forest isn’t a person I would like to hang out with. Besides that, the whole Lukes drama was so bonkers that I almost decided to give up the season, just because of it. I am already watching a soap opera, I don’t have the mind power for two.
Weirdest part of the episode: Let’s get serious for a moment: Does ABC really pull out the non-disclosure agreements when certain segments are being shot in front of an audience? The rugby game, Jed and Hannah in the bar, and the Hannah and Tyler on the concert stage… That brings spoilers ABC doesn’t want to get out, and putting so many spoilers out there without protection would be a bit worrisome to someone like me.
Kisses of the episode: Jed got a smootcher on the lips when his date with Hannah began, and then later in the photo booth, and again later in the Cheers bar in front of a cheering crowd, and again later on the green after eating the ice cream, and again later on the basketball court after dunking some balls, and again later after she gave him a rose during the dinner date. Garret got a kiss during group date evening. Peter kissed Hannah during group date evening as well. Tyler put a smootcher on Hannah during their one-on-one date, and then later during the date, and then during the Jake Owen concert in front of a cheering audience and their recording cell phones. Peter got kisses during the cocktail party after he and Hannah officially declared themselves boyfriend and girlfriend.
Contestant of the episode: There are still some low-key guys in the mix, but Garrett was so low-key in this one, you would almost forget he got the rose after the group date. Maybe the Lukes drama is to blame, but maybe Garrett was just a simple player with a simple heart, easy to fall in love with.

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