Seven Days (“Witch Way to the Prom”)

Season 2, Episode 20
Date of airing: May 3, 2000 (UPN)
Nielsen ratings information: 1.7/3 in Households

This was a solid and funny episode, though it had one thing that was just illogical times infinity. There is no way that Ramsey would believe in having a shot at a relationship with Olga. There is no way he would even have a crush on her and ask her out on a date on her birthday. Ramsey hates Communists and he made it clear on a few occasions that he wouldn’t mind having Olga out of the team as well, because of her Russian connection. But in this episode, everything about that is forgotten, because the writers decided to give Parker some competition when it comes to his greatest crush, and to have another comic storyline that involves Parker and Ramsey bullying each other and getting each other on their last nerves. This is a showcase of the writers never having had any good ideas about how to fill the empty running time of SEVEN DAYS with stories, so those minutes are usually filled with inconsistent ideas about comedy, and moments that have the characters act illogically. Sometimes the writers really don’t seem to have any new ideas. Of course, maybe Ramsey became less of a Communism-hater before this episode, but a) I can’t believe that, since SEVEN DAYS isn’t known for character development, and b) it’s Nick Searcy we’re talking about, and he probably hates Communists for real.

Three young ladies who don’t know what they want from men.

Anyway, this CHARMED rip-off of an episode was funny, because the three girls were incredibly stupid but hilarious. They believe in magic, and they believe that they just magically created a human being while not asking themselves at all if this is even possible in reality. I know, this is a science-fiction show, but the girls behaved like magic really exists, because they have been doing it for a while and obviously because they never had any real life experience with other people — did they never have any friends? Have they always been watching television shows about witches? Do they even have parents, and if so, where were they during this episode? If this would be the Halliwells I’m talking about, the episode would be even better than it is, but these are three girls who have no clue about life and love. But whatever, they were hilarious, and I loved them being part of a CHARMED parody. Following a hot guy they created, just so they have a prom date, and inadvertently getting into a terrorist plot and pretty much ruining Parker’s assignment — it tends to show you how awful and distracting women can be, although it also shows that this series universe is run by men only, and not a single woman can say something about it. After all, the girls never really did something to help Parker with the mission (they hindered him catching the bomber, and the only thing they actually did good was giving him the name of the hotel that still had a Canadian flag waiving in front of it during the establishing shot), Olga was pretty much written out of the plot with the akgle break, and the mission itself hung in the balance and could only be executed by Parker, because this is still the Jonathan LaPaglia action fun hour. Still, this episode was so dumb when it came to the supernatural premise, it was almost utterly hilarious again. The girls constantly bumping into premise and believing they really conjured a hot hunk of a man with a badge really had me wondering how the hell they were making it through high school.

She can’t even enjoy that cake in her mouth.

They went after Parker and the terrorist, even though they knew something dangerous was going on. They went in-between Parker and the terrorist, even though they should have figured out by now that one of them is the good guy and the other is the bad guy (also, Parker told them to stay in the car, and of course they didn’t listen). But I guess it was only consistent to depict the girls as dumb as possible, so they can screw up every moment during Parker’s assignment. What a shame they didn’t screw up Parker’s savior moment in the hotel, because maybe that would have been worth a narrative.

And the rest of the episode? Well, I didn’t care a lot about Parker and Olga’s cheap date, since it was obvious that their situation would end up where it always begins: Something goes wrong, Olga hates Parker for doing whatever he did wrong and Parker can’t do anything about it, because he never learns from his mistakes. Well, the writers don’t care at all about Parker caring to make his relationship with Olga work. If the writers would have cared, the two would have been on a break by now, trying to get back together. But I must say, the birthday dinner with cake at the end of the episode was somewhat cute. Less cute was Parker showing up at the prom though. How old is he exactly? Why did he think it was such a great idea to go to the prom and dance with his “creator?”

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